“Unconsciously I shivered, as though someone had opened the door behind me, and let a draught into the room. I was sitting in Rebecca’s chair, I was leaning against Rebecca’s cushion, and the dog had come to me and laid his head upon my knee because that had been his custom, and he remembered, in the past, she had given sugar to him there.”

Dates read: December 24-29, 2017

Rating: 8/10

Lists/awards: 1001 Books You Must Read Before You Die (2012)

We’ve all felt like an imposter at some point, right? Like, I don’t think “imposter syndrome” is even a thing, I think it’s so commonplace as to be just a part of the human experience. It’s an ugly, scary feeling, to be so full of doubt about yourself. It feels especially endemic in that late teens-early 20s time of life, when everyone even five years older seems impossibly glamorous and adult and you still feel like a kid. You just were a kid, after all, and now you’re expected to set your own alarm and remember to take your vitamins and schedule your own haircuts. “Adult” feels so far away even though you’re already there.

I’ve never read a book that feels as steeped in that feeling of being an imposter as Daphne DuMarier’s Rebecca. Our heroine is a never-named middle-class young English woman, in her early 20s, who’s earning her living as a traveling companion to an crude older woman. On a stop in Monaco, she meets Maxim deWinter, who her employer is all too happy to repeat gossip about and try to kiss up to: he’s the owner of the famous and magnificent country estate of Manderly, and his beautiful, stylish wife Rebecca recently died tragically. The young lady and Maxim have a whirlwind courtship, and before she knows it, she’s married and honeymooned and off to her new home and new life as the mistress of a great house.

But when they get to Manderly, things go quickly south. Being middle-class, she’s barely been in a place like this, and hasn’t the slightest idea how to make it her own. Her husband is suddenly distant and moody. Her only real friend is the spaniel dog that she takes her walks with. The head housekeeper, Mrs. Danvers, all but openly sneers at her and constantly reminds her that she’s not anything like the charming and passionate Rebecca. And it’s not just Mrs. Danvers…even the locals she goes to visit tell her over and over again how exciting things were when Rebecca was around, how beautiful she was, how delightful. The shy, quiet second Mrs. deWinter begins to despair of ever being good enough for the role she’s been handed, and is talked into putting on a costume ball (like the ones Rebecca used to have!) that changes everything.

If you’ve ever heard about super fast marriages Back In The Day and wondered if people even really knew each other when they go married, Rebecca answers that question with a resounding no. A major part of the drama comes from the fact that the young wife can’t understand why Maxim married her and is afraid to share her fears and feelings of inadequacy because, well, she barely knows him. She tortures herself by imagining that he’s constantly comparing her to Rebecca, and she’s sure she comes up short. She can’t even hide from the imposter syndrome that’s consuming her…the very place she lives reminds her of the ways in which she feels inadequate. This book is often billed as a gothic romance, and while the former is accurate, the latter isn’t really, in my opinion: there’s a marriage at the center of it, but not really a romance per se.

Instead, I’d call this a psychological suspense novel. We know from the beginning that the deWinters no longer live at Manderly, that something bad happened there. How exactly this happens unwinds over the course of the book, with the inner lives of the characters and their relationships with each other being driving the action. And the story is well-told and well-paced, but it’s still a classic rather than a modern-day thriller, so while it’s certainly gripping it’s not really a page-turner that’ll keep you up all night. And for me, that’s preferable anyways. I really enjoyed reading it and plan to add more duMaurier to my list of books to read. I’d recommend Rebecca to just about anybody, it’s a tightly crafted and engaging story that’ll appeal to anyone who’s ever felt like they were playacting at being a grown-up.

One year ago, I was reading: The Silence of the Girls (review to come)

Two years ago, I was reading: Valley of the Dolls

Three years ago, I was reading: Smoke